February 14th, 2007

It’s a bit creepy how much some of the press releases from Cartoon Network sound more like solicitations in Previews. Lets take a look thanks to ToonZone.com.

Ben-10: Hero Generation

This new series will focus on a slightly older Ben and Gwen as they team up and mentor a group of children who have similar powers to Ben. The age shift will introduce new, more mature issues, but the target demographic will be the same as the original Ben 10.

Ben 10 is a pretty nice cartoon, so I’m guessing that the new version won’t be quite as emo as the press release makes it out to be. This next one just cracks me the hell up:

Kids Next Door: The End

Cartoon Network has announced that their hit series Codename: Kids Next Door will air its series finale this November.

This one-hour special event will focus on the last mission of the Kids Next Door, with one member not returning from the mission.

There aren’t enough pixels in the internet to make an :eyeroll: emoticon big enough to capture what I felt reading that. If only there were a way to give this episode a variant cover. It’s bad enough that almost every single comic arc has to have someone die or ‘never come back’ but having it happen in a cartoon like KND just makes the concept look even more ridiculous. What, are they going to… kill one of the Kids Next Door? If they do, can we get the drawn out death speech in hushed, desparate tones while a string ensemble plays in the background?

dying KND: “Don’t worry about me… **cough** I’m… I’m done for. These wounds… too much. Only slow you down. Just… just take the cookies. Those delicious… buttery Tollhouse cookies that those dirty, damned grown-up sons of bitches tried to hide from us. Us! **cough** Don’t they know who the f#$% we are? We’re the Kids, baby… **cough-cough-wheeze** we’re the kids… ” **head rolls to side and corpse turns grey**
other KND: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
**everyone outruns giant fireball as the neighbor’s house explodes**

Sigh. I miss the good old days when cartoons would just update themselves by adding annoying new characters to appeal to kids but would eventually kill the ratings or get rid of old characters when their toys weren’t being produced anymore. Oh well.

Note: yes, I know that the internet isn’t made out of pixels. So shut it.

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